The Avengers Go Places
by Darth Tromeros
Summary: What started as the Avengers fetching a few things for a SHIELD party has turned into stories of their outings.
1. The Avengers Go to Target

The doors slid open as a group of six people walked in. "I swear, if somebody asks for an autograph..." Tony grumbled, sticking his hand into his pocket.

Steve's eyes grew in amazement. "These doors open by themselves!" he exclaimed.

"Not even Asgard has such fine luxuries!" Thor added.

"It's not a luxury." Tony rolled his eyes.

"How do they slide open by themselves?" Steve continued. He jumped in front of the door, causing it to open again. After standing there for a few seconds, he asked, "When do they close again?"

"When you move out of the way," Bruce said quietly.

Steve blinked. "Moved out of what's way?'

"See that black thing up there?" Bruce pointed a finger. "That's a sensor. It can sense people there. When someone gets in a certain range, it opens up and stays open until someone leaves that range."

"Ohhhh," Steve said. He gave a lopsided grin. "The things people come up with."

"Um, can we go get what we need now?" Natasha asked. "I think we understand automatic doors now."

"What're we getting anyway?" Tony asked.

"Objects for the celebratory event with the group you call 'SHIELD'," Thor replied.

"Didn't the shwarma place cut it?" Tony grumbled.

"It was most delicious," Thor said happily. "But now we celebrate our victory with the rest."

"Let's split up and get everything," Steve said. "Tony, get the plates. Bruce, the cups. Natasha—"

"Hey, we're just buying stuff, not saving the world again," Tony interjected.

Steve sent an annoyed glance at Tony. "Okay, let's just… start."

"Has anybody seen Clint?" Natasha asked. She headed off in one direction. Thor wondered towards the food isles. "I'll make sure he doesn't get in trouble," Bruce murmured, following him.

Tony and Steve stared at each other. "So… what are you going to get?" Steve asked him.

Tony shrugged. "I'll go get the plates and the cups."

Steve nodded. "I'll go get the snacks and such."

They headed off.

* * *

Natasha heard his laughter coming from the toys section. "What the…" she murmured, slinking over.

He burst from the aisle, a nerf gun in his hand, shooting it at Natasha. A strange noise that sounded like a silent scream came from her throat. "What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

Clint smiled widely. "Playing with the nerf guns! What does it _look _like I'm doing?"

"You're a trained, special, secret, government agent, and you're playing… with a nerf gun."

He didn't say anything; instead he stood there, grinning mindlessly. Suddenly, the gun was in her face as he shot again. It hit her forehead. He took off, laughing like a maniac.

"Two can play at that game," she muttered. She grabbed another nerf gun and chased after him.

A mom and her son were walking through the aisles as Clint sprinted pass, roaring with laughter, Natasha following with a look of determination on her face. "Mommy…." the little boy started, pointing at the agents.

"Just ignore them, honey," she said, confused. "Let's just head the other direction…."

* * *

Thor picked up a cucumber. "What is _this?_"

Bruce groaned. "It's a cucumber. Thor, no more questions about our food."

He nodded, sniffing the cucumber. "This shall do," he said, opening his mouth.

Bruce's eyes widened. "Don't eat it!"

Thor stopped, staring at Bruce. "Why not?"

"First of all, you have to pay for it," Bruce started, removing the cucumber from Thor's hands and placing it back where it was. "Second of all, you don't just… eat the cucumber."

"Is that not what food is for?"

"Well yes, but you have to take the skin off."

Thor stayed quiet for a moment. "Did you say one has to pay for food?"

Bruce nodded.

"That is ridiculous!" Thor roared. "I am a king!"

"But humans don't know about Asgard," Bruce said, trying to get Thor to be quiet.

"I demand to speak to the regulator of food!"

"There is none, Thor! Now stop raising your voice! People are looking!"

Thor looked at Bruce. "Are you getting angry, Dr. Banner?"

Bruce flushed. "No, Thor, but I will if you keep yelling."

"That would not be so good."

"No, it would not."

"Good." Bruce rubbed the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb.

"Are you alright, angry green one?"

"I'm not angry!" Bruce snapped.

Thor backed away. "I shall look at the cubecumbers or whatever you call them."

Bruce stayed silent.

* * *

Steve wondered around, trying to find the snacks. He hadn't seen a sign yet that said "snacks". Suddenly Clint rushed by him, Natasha following a few feet behind launching something at Clint's back. As they laugh and ran away, Steve bent down to pick up what she had launched.

"A foam bullet?" he wondered out loud. "Is this used for training?" He shrugged and dropped it, continuing his journey to find the snacks again. He passed by the toys aisle. Out of the corner of his eye, something caught his attention. He stopped and headed down it, looking at all they had in stock. Then he found what had caught his attention.

His mouth gaped as he saw everything. Smirking to himself, he grabbed a few things off of the hangars.

When their nerf guns had run out, they stopped running. They doubled over with laughter. "I'm surprised no one stopped us," Natasha said between breaths.

"I think they were all afraid of how strange we were acting."

"No different than Bangladesh." She smirked.

"You and I still remember Bangladesh very differently."

When they finished calming down, they went back to pick up all the darts.

Natasha noticed Steve first. She burst out laughing. "What are you doing?"

Steve smirked. "You'll see." He glanced at the ground to see Clint picking up the darts. "What are those things? Training guns?"

"No," Natasha said, a small smile now on her face. "They're called 'nerf guns'. These are darts. You shoot them at each other for fun."

"So they're not foam bullets?"

She shook her head.

Steve waved as he headed off in the direction he was going.

* * *

Tony looked grabbed a bunch of plastic cups and plates off the shelves. He heard Thor's booming voice and chuckled, wondering what the outrage was now. He glanced to the side and almost dropped his stuff. "What are you doing?"

Steve smiled behind the mask, keeping his arms out.

"Ha, ha. Steve, I know that's you."

Steve lifted his mask off. "Look, Tony, I'm you!" He placed the Iron Man mask back on his face and put his arm up again, making a high-pitched noise that mimicked Tony's lasers.

"My lasers do _not _sound like that!" he said defiantly.

"Um, yeah, they do. They're pretty girly sounding."

Tony diverted from the subject. "You're acting like a little kid!" he said, trying to pull the mask off.

"Natasha and Clint were running through the store with something called nerf guns!" Steve whined.

"Now you sound like one, too," Tony muttered.

"Hey, you're complaining as well." Steve put out his arms and zoomed out of the aisle. Tony's face grew red with embarrassment.

"I don't know him," he muttered to the lady who was watching them with a strange expression.

* * *

Steve ran past Thor, who had moved on to oranges. Thor's mouth gaped open. "Where did you get that, patriotic man with a shield?"

Steve stopped and lifted up his mask. "I'll show you. They have stuff for _everyone_."

Thor eagerly followed Steve to the toy aisle.

"Is this my hammer?" Thor inquired, lifting it up. Steve nodded, taking off his Iron Man gear and put on the Thor stuff instead. As Steve picked up a hammer, Thor grew angry. "Any mortal can pick up my hammer?"

"Relax, it's made of plastic," Steve said cheerfully.

Thor looked over the products. "I think I'll be the angry green one," he said, placing some fists over his hands.

Suddenly, Tony ran into the aisle. "Oh, look at me! I'm a ninety-year-old virgin!" he cried holding Captain America's shield and wearing his mask.

Thor laughed heartily. "That was funny," he said.

Steve's face flushed. "Ha, ha."

"I was beat up everyday in every alley of Brooklyn!"

"Okay, Tony."

"I'm a giant test rat!"

Steve picked up a lightsaber from the wall facing them. "Okay, Stark. It's on."

"In case you don't notice, but I have your shield. That plastic won't affect me at all!"

"And that plastic won't save you at all!" Steve swung down, causing Tony to duck under the shield. They ran out of the aisle, Tony still yelling taunts and Steve still hitting him.

The same mother and son almost collided with the two superheroes. The little boy looked up at his mother. "Mommy—"

She shook her head. "I think we're done shopping today."

* * *

"There you are, Thor!" Bruce grabbed his shoulder. Thor smiled.

"Hello, Dr. Banner."

"We're getting ready to buy our stuff, now."

They headed down to the checkout lane where the other four already stood. The group stood in silence, nice, calm music playing from the speakers. The woman and her son stood in front of them, the son gazing at them wide-eyed. Steve waved at him. Tony hit Steve's arm.

Ignoring it, Steve pulled out something from his wallet. "What's this again?"

"A credit card, old timer," Tony responded.

"And what do credit cards do?"

"You give it to the cashier, and the cashier pays off everything with it."

"So… it has unlimited money?"

Tony chuckled. "I wish. You have to make deposits in your account or pay everything off later."

Steve's eyebrows furrowed. "That's so stupid! What's the point of them if you can just pay now?" He sighed angrily. "People nowadays…."

Thor stood over by the candy bars, grabbing one of everything as Tony and Steve discussed credit cards. "Do I have to pay for this too?"

Bruce nodded. "Yes, you do."

Thor looked sad. "I do not have any Midgardian money."

Steve, looking more eager than before, said, "I'll pay for it! I have money in my account!"

Nobody argued.

After they checked out, they headed through the automatic doors, which preoccupied Steve and Thor for a few more minutes until they had to be dragged away from them.

As they left, Thor exclaimed, "We shall have to come to this market you call 'Target' again!"

Steve nodded weakly.

The rest were slightly amused.


	2. The Avengers Go to McDonald's

The Avengers piled out of the car. Thor had a wide grin on his face. "I love cars," he said happily.

Natasha shot him a look. "We need a bigger car, guys," she said. "It's only a four seat car in the first place, and now we're shoving muscular men inside."

"Where are we going to get that?" Steve asked.

Tony gave a nod. "I can get it."

Thor stared ahead at the building they had just pulled up too. "What is this place?" he asked.

"This is McDonald's," Tony responded.

"What's McDonald's?" Steve asked.

"It's a fast food place," Bruce explained. "You go in, order your food, they give it to you, and then you sit down and eat."

"We have to keep in shape," Natasha murmured. "Why are we at the heart of America?"

"Once isn't going to hurt," Clint responded.

Natasha rolled her eyes. "Okay, whatever."

They headed past the drive-through, where someone was currently ordering. Steve jumped, falling back and hitting Tony.

"Ouch, Steve. Calm down."

"But that box just talked!" His eyes were wide and a tad bit scared.

"A worker is talking on a microphone that is connected to that box."

"Oh." Steve stared at the box for a few moments before continuing on inside.

As the door opened, Thor took a deep breath. "What is that smell?"

"Grease," Natasha mumbled.

"I would like to try some food," he continued.

"That's why we're here," Tony said. "Choose whatever. I'm a billionaire."

Steve tugged on Tony's jacket. "What, Steve?" he sighed, rolling his eyes.

"What are these different types of foods? I don't like ordering when I'm not exactly certain what they are."

"I don't want to explain everything to you!" Tony replied.

"Relax, I will," Bruce said. He pulled Steve to the side and started explaining the menu.

"Why does that old timer keep choosing me?" Tony grumbled to Natasha.

Natasha shrugged. "Because you're the most successful and up-to-beat person out of any of us?"

"And you're not shy like Bruce," Clint added.

Tony rolled his eyes again. "Whatever."

Thor wondered over to the Netflix machine and tapped the screen. It switched to the movies screen. His mouth dropped open as he started hitting random buttons. He snickered. "This machine is very amusing," he said, hitting more things more rapidly.

"Um, Thor? I'd be careful with that," Clint said.

Thor waved a hand at Clint. "I'll be okay, man with the eye of a Midgardian bird."

Clint stepped towards Thor. "No, seriously. This thing gives you movies at a dollar a piece. We don't want to accidently get anything, now, do we?"

Thor's face furrowed in confusion. "Movies…." He thought for a few moments. "Oh!" His face lightened up. "You mean those things that Midgardians watch that have images that move and talk!"

"Yes," Clint said, trying to talk in the same happy town. "Now, how about we go order our food?"

"Agreed," Thor said. He pushed in head of the line. "I would like to eat—"

"Thor," Clint muttered, pulling on Thor's arm.

Thor took a step back. "Have I done something wrong?"

"Remember what we told you about lines?"

"Of course. Midgardians have to stand and wait for their turn. What about these line rules?"

"We're in a line." Clint waved a hand to the line. "We have to wait."

Thor overlooked the line. "Humans make terrible lines."

"We're up next," Clint continued, ignoring Thor. "How about we wait for the nice lady to order?"

"Fine, then." He stood next to Natasha.

Steve came back over with Bruce. "Bruce has explained everything to me! I would like to try these cattle sandwiches. I forgot about them."

"They're called hamburgers," Bruce said.

Steve glanced over at Bruce. "But they're made out of cows, aren't they? Shouldn't it be beef burgers? Ham is pigs."

Bruce shook his head. "It's their logic, not mine."

Steve nodded slightly, confusion spread out on his face.

The line moved as the woman left to go to her seat. Tony turned around to face the group. "What do you guys want?"

Thor stepped up. "I would like to order first," he told Tony. He turned to the cashier, towering over her tiny frame. "I would like a… a… haamburger, a cheese variation of one as well, the nuggets that are called chicken, the fries that belong to French, and a large Coke." He smiled. "I like Coke."

The cashier gave a weak attempt at a smile. "Eh heh."

Tony gently pushed Thor away. "I'll be ordering now," he told Thor. Thor backed away.

After Tony ordered another cheeseburger, Clint and Bruce ordered a fish fillet, and Natasha ordered a salad, it was Steve's turn. He came up to the counter and looked away shyly.

"Why aren't you ordering, Capsicle?" Tony asked.

Steve glared at Tony before turning back to the cashier. "I would like a cattle san—hamburger with these… French fries. Oh, and a small Coke as well."

"Sure thing." The cashier smiled at Steve before rereading their orders.

"That should be it," Tony said after everyone nodded when their order was read.

The cashier read the price. Tony handed her the money before she went back to get their orders.

They stood their silently, Thor with his hands locked and standing on his tiptoes. "You know," Steve started, "how come nobody recognizes any of us?"

"What do you mean?" Natasha asked, brushing something off her arm.

"Well, we're the Avengers, first of all. You two are secret agents, so that makes more sense if they don't know you," he said, gesturing to Natasha and Clint. "I may not be that well noticed either, because I was more of a thing seventy years ago. But Tony is Tony Stark. And Thor… well, look what he's wearing."

"Is there something wrong with the way I dress?" Thor's smile faded as he held his arms out.

"No, no, not at all. It's just that people usually don't wear stuff like that."

"Or those tights you wear," Tony sneered.

He glared at Tony. "You know what, Stark—"

"Our food!" Thor exclaimed, grabbing it. Steve's and Tony's attention were grabbed by Thor's shriek. As they went to sit down, the long line behind them cheered.

"Why are they cheering?" Thor asked.

"They're hungry," Bruce said simply, going to the soda fountain. Thor's eyes grew wide as he saw someone filling up their cup.

"What is this?" Thor said.

"It's a soda fountain. You put your cup under this and push on the lever, and soda comes into your cup."

"I must try this contraption!" Thor said. He pushed his hand against it. Soda dripped out on to his hand. Thor laughed heartily.

Steve watched from a distance before coming over. "I want to try it!" he said, grabbing his cup and shoving it under. He laughed as soda poured into his cup. "This is hilarious!" he laughed.

Thor grabbed a straw and opened it up. "Watch this!" He put the straw underneath the stream of soda. Steve and Thor started cracking up.

"Are you even allowed to do this?" Steve said, his eyes filled with amusement.

"No." Bruce sent a stern glare towards Thor. Thor's large smile turned into a smug grin. When Bruce left the soda fountain, Thor and Steve burst into a fit of giggles and pushed the lever again.

"GUYS!" They immediately stopped as they heard Bruce's frustrated voice.

"I have to admit that he is even scarier then me when he is angry," Thor said.

Steve nodded his head. "Tell me about it."

Everyone took their seats in a booth. They unwrapped their food and started eating. Thor took a huge bite out of a hamburger. "Mmm," he said. "This is very good Midgardian food!" He dived into the rest of his food.

Natasha looked at him a bit disgustedly as she took little bits of her salad.

They sat in silence. Steve cautiously took a bite of the hamburger.

"How do you like it, old man?"

Steve looked up at him, unamused. "I like it very much," he said. "A lot better than I like you," he added on softly.

"Excuse me, everybody likes Tony Stark."

"If everybody's name is Tony Stark, then yes."

Tony opened his mouth to say something when Bruce snapped, "Guys. Can I please just eat without any headaches?"

The two slumped back into their seats.

"Maybe we should move them away from each other," Clint suggested.

As Steve settled into Bruce's seat, Tony looked over and stuck out his tongue. "Clint! Clint! He's making faces at me!"

"No I'm not!" Tony said defiantly.

"That's it, guys!" Natasha exclaimed. "You act like toddlers sometimes! Tony, stop being an ass for once! Steve, stop acting like you're a saint! I think Bruce is looking a little green."

They all looked over at Bruce, who was silently nibbling on his sandwich.

An awkward silence took over the group as they ate. "Why are these called French fries?" Steve wondered out loud after a few minutes. "We live in America. Why are we calling our food after France?"

"For the same reason we have restaurants for foreign food and why we get all we own from China," Tony answered briskly.

Steve glared at him for a few seconds before throwing a French fry at him.

Tony waved his arms out as the fry hit him, throwing an exasperated look at Natasha. She glanced up and saw him, causing her to groan. "Am I your guys' mother?" she yelled. "Steve, just—don't. I can see you smiling."

Steve, who was looking down at his lap, attempted to stop smirking.

"Yeah, Steve, don't," Tony chimed.

Natasha glared at Tony. "Tony, I swear, one day—"

"What is that?" Thor interrupted, pointing at a window. Everybody looked at it to see a play place inside.

"It's for kids to play in," Clint said.

"Fascinating," Thor said. "Kids get to play and eat?"

"Yep. Welcome to America," Tony said.

Thor stared at it a little while longer before turning around. The group stayed silent as everyone finished their meals. (Actually, Thor was long done; he had been sitting around for the past 20 minutes, staring at the ceiling and the walls and laughing at Tony and Steve's bickering.)

After everyone had gotten up and threw their trash away, Clint looked around as if he had lost something. "Has anyone seen Thor?" he asked nervously.

Everyone froze. "How the hell do you loose a Norse god?" Tony exclaimed.

"Hey, you lost him too," Steve said.

Before Tony could say anything, Natasha interrupted. "Look, stop acting like an old married couple and help us find Thor! I mean, he's a big man with a large hammer. Shouldn't be hard to find, right?"

A little boy ran out of the play place. "Mommy!" he cried, running past the group to his table. "There's a strange man in the slide! He has a cape on and he looks like a knight!"

The group all sent glances at each other. "Well, we found Thor," Bruce said.

Steve started lightly bouncing on his feet. "I'll go get him," he offered.

"We could just ask—" Natasha started before being interrupted by Steve.

"No, no, I'll go get him." He took off rather quickly into the play place room. As he entered the tubes, a couple of adults sent him quizzical expressions.

"I have to get someone out," he explained, giving an awkward smiling. He entered the play place, climbing up through the tunnels. His arms were cramped closely. "The down side to having strong arms," he murmured to himself. He entered a wider area, where a couple of kids were lying on their backs, laughing. They stopped as they saw him. They stared at each other for a few seconds. "Have you seen a big man inside a slide anywhere?"

The kids didn't say anything. Instead, they just pointed at a green opening.

"Thanks," he told them. He crawled through another opening to get to the green one. There Thor was, lying in the middle of the slide, waiting patiently.

"You're not freaking out yet?" Steve asked.

Thor craned his neck as far as possible. "Hello, man in the stripes!"

"Hello, Thor. I'm surprised you haven't blown this slide into smithereens."

"I decided that one of you guys would find me. And that you did!"

"Yes, I did. Now, I'm going to get you out now."

"Okay," Thor said cheerfully.

Steve sat there awkwardly. How was he supposed to get Thor out of the slide? Run and jump? Just push? Shrugging, he sent himself down the slide, which were even narrower than the tunnels but large enough for Steve to get through. His feet collided with Thor's shoulders, pushing Thor down a tad bit. Steve climbed up a couple of feet and dropped himself again, hitting Thor's shoulders once more. He repeated the process until Thor was completely free, sending both of them barreling down the slide, bumping into one another until the got to the very bottom. Steve was lying on top of Thor, whose legs were dangling off the side of the slide.

Thor laughed. "That was fun!"

Steve glanced up and buried his head in his hands when he saw Tony holding up his phone. Laughing, Tony said, "Guess what's going to Nick Fury?"

"I hate you," Steve muttered.

"Patriotic man, I think the children want to get though," Thor said as kids started piling up against them.

Steve slid off of Thor, still hiding his face from Tony, who was now interrogating Steve now. Thor waved to the kids and left with the rest of the group, who weren't sure how to assess the situation now. "You're not going to go back into one of those, are you?" Bruce asked Thor.

Thor shook his head. "But I will come back to this place owned by McDonald. I love Midgard!" he sighed as they exited through the door.

Steve punched Tony's jaw, causing him to dash to the car and a weak attempt to lock Tony out.

"Don't you just love our outings?" Clint said.

Natasha groaned.


	3. The Avengers Go to Movies

**Warning: The fourth wall was tragically destroyed in the making of this story. (Look it up on TV Tropes if you're unsure what 'the fourth wall' is.)**

* * *

Steve exited from Tony's elevator into the main room. The rest of the group was already there. They turned around and all made some type of gesture to welcome Steve. "What do you want, old timer?" Tony asked.

Steve waved something. "I got tickets!" he said.

"Tickets to what?"

"To our movie," he said happily.

Everybody froze and looked at Steve. "Our movie?" Natasha asked.

Steve nodded. "Have you not heard that we shattered all records at the box office? Or whatever that is," he added.

They all sent looks at each other. "Sure, why not?" Tony said, putting the cup he was drinking out of down.

Thor clapped. "I've never been to this source of Midgardian entertainment. I would very much like to see it."

Clint and Natasha glanced at each other and shrugged. Everybody looked over at Bruce, who was bent over a table, reading something. He glanced up at the staring eyes. "It's fine with me," he said.

Steve cheered. "Yay!" He went into the elevator. "Meet you at our car."

"We get to take the car again?" Thor said, eagerness in his voice.

Natasha groaned and put her head in her hands.

"Relax, I got a minivan," Tony told her. "It even has a DVD player. It'll keep Mr. Innocent here occupied." He nodded over to Thor, who was gazing around the room absent-minded.

Natasha didn't move her head.

Tony grabbed a jacket. "Come on, Thor," he called. Thor looked up and bounced out of his chair, following Tony excitedly.

"I cannot wait to see this thing you Midgardians call movies," he said. Tony gave a fake smile and put his finger out to hit a button on the elevator. "Wait!" Thor said. "Can I push it?" Tony stepped away. Thor's finger jammed the button. The doors closed and the button lit up, causing Thor to giggle. "I like these buttons," he said as the door closed. "Why do they light up…."

Natasha finally sat up, glancing over at Clint again. He gave her a reassuring smile. "Come on, Nat," he said. "It'll be fun." Leaning closer he added, "I saw Steve got the tickets in 3D. This should be interesting."

Natasha cracked a little smile. "Okay then, I'll go."

They stood up and went over to the elevator. "Aren't you coming, Bruce?" Clint called out.

"Hm? Oh, yeah." Bruce headed over towards them. "This should be interesting," he commented as they waited for the elevator.

Natasha rubbed her temples. "When we're together, 'interesting' usually means 'headaches.'"

* * *

Thor bounced in his seat at the back of the minivan. Steve sat next to him, grinning widely. In the middle sat Bruce, who was busy doing something on the tablet he had in his hands, and Clint, who was gazing out the window. Natasha sat in the passenger's seat in the front, her elbow resting on the handle area, her hand holding her hand and her eyes closed. Tony was driving, his eye twitching as Thor bounced.

"Are we there yet?"

"No, Thor," Tony said through clinched teeth.

Thor gazed out the window. "How about now?"

"Thor, sweetheart!" Natasha snapped, pulling her head up. "Stop asking. We'll be there soon."

Thor sat silently for a few moments before turning to Steve. "This movie is about us, you said?"

Steve nodded. "I can't wait to see it," he squealed.

Thor grinned at Steve. "Neither can I, man in the stripes."

"You can just call me Steve," he told Thor."

"Steve," Thor said, as if trying the name out. He rolled his eyes up. "Steve," he repeated. He looked back at Steve and nodded. "Very well then, Steve."

Silence took over the car. Natasha let out a breath and Tony's jaw relaxed. "How far away are we from the movie theater?" Thor asked.

Natasha and Tony seized up again. "Thor!" Tony yelled.

The rest of the car trip was silent.

As they pulled into the movie theater, Steve shook Thor's shoulder. Thor turned his attention from the window to Steve. "We're here!" Steve said excitedly.

Thor grinned widely as he looked out the window to the theater.

After they pulled into their parking space, Steve and Thor unbuckled their seatbelts and jumped out of the side door, knocking Bruce over onto Clint's lap. The two ran towards the movie theater, laughing like mad men. Bruce looked up at Clint and smiled awkwardly. "Hello," Bruce said as he picked himself up.

Clint just nodded and followed Bruce out.

Tony and Natasha were the last ones out. "Those two," Natasha grumbled, massaging her temples again.

"Tell me about it," Tony muttered.

Up at the door were Steve and Thor. Steve waved his hand to them. "Come on, slowpokes! I was the one frozen for 70 years!"

Natasha rolled her eyes.

As they entered, the worker there looked up at them dully. "Tickets," he said, holding out his hand. As Steve handed him the ticket, the worker jumped. "What—" he stuttered, looking at the group.

"Oh, no," Natasha murmured. She tilted her head and put her hand in front of her face.

The worker pointed his finger wildly at all of them. "But you are—and you're—"

Steve stared at the worker awkwardly and took his stub out of the worker's hand. "Thanks," he said quietly, moving on. The rest pushed their way through, trying their best to ignore the worker's fanboy moment.

Thor sniffed a few times and headed towards the concession stands. "What is that wonderful smell?"

"Popcorn!" Steve yelled, delighted. "I love that stuff!" He looked back at Tony and gave him pleading eyes.

"Relax, Capsicle," Tony said. "I'll get some for all of us."

Steve clapped like a little kid, a huge smile on his face.

Tony leaned over to Natasha. "Remind me how he's a super soldier that was frozen for 70 years and then helped save the Earth from an impending alien attack led by a god?"

Natasha shrugged. "Let's just throw him an iPhone. Maybe it'll distract him and he won't pass out from the excitement of modern 3D movies."

Tony chuckled. "Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss that freak-out for the world."

Meanwhile, Thor had is face pressed against the glass over the popcorn. "That is most delicious," he muttered to himself. He lifted his head up and turned to Bruce. "Am I 'drooling' as you humans do when you want food?"

"Um, no." Thor opened his mouth as if he was going to force saliva to come out of his mouth. "No, don't, Thor." Thor closed his mouth again.

As Tony, Clint, and Natasha grabbed some bags of popcorn, Steve wondered around the area. A geeky teenage boy stopped by Steve. "That guy over there is so lucky!" the teenager sighed, pointing at Thor. "My mom wouldn't let me wear my Cosplay outfit here."

Steve looked over at him. "That's my buddy Thor," he said happily.

"Yeah, I can tell by his costume." The kid looked over at Steve and studied him for a moment. "You look familiar. Are you sure I haven't seen you at a ComicCon?"

"I… am not familiar with this," Steve said, his face contorted with confusion.

The teenager studied him a little longer before it clicked. "Is your name Steve?" he asked.

"…Yes," Steve said uncertainly.

The teenager started breathing heavily. "Oh my Lee, it's Captain America!" He started spazzing out, fanning his face with his hands. "You're one of my favorites! Is Iron Man here?"

Steve started backing away. "I'm just going to get my popcorn—"

"Is he here? Is Tony Stark here?" Steve paced back and forth, still waving his hands around his face. "What am I going to say to him? What will I do?" His voice faded as Steve snuck away.

"Uh, Tony?"

Tony looked around to see Steve crouching down some behind him. "What, old timer?"

"There's a fan over there. And you're his favorite, I think."

Tony froze. "What's he look like?"

"Curly hair, glasses, zits, lanky."

Tony stood on his tiptoes and saw him. He gasped and crouched over with Steve. "Alright, just stay out of sight and—" He froze. "The kid's with Thor."

Steve groaned and felt light-headed.

"Can I hold your hammer?" the kid was asking Thor.

Thor laughed. "Oh, no, you're only a mere mortal!"

Natasha glanced over to Steve and Tony then to Thor. She sighed. "I'll go get him," she muttered. "Fans…." She headed up to Thor. "Hey, we need to get our drinks now. Let's go!"

Thor looked over. "Okay." He started following her when the teenager grabbed Thor's arm.

"Hey, is that Black Widow?" he asked.

Natasha turned around, stared at the kid, and then laughed. "I guess my costume does work! Come on, Tim. Let's go share our costumes with everybody else!"

"My name is not Tim," Thor said, confused.

Natasha raised her eyebrow, signaling for Thor to shut up. "Oh, you're always so in to character." Before he could say anything else, she gripped his arm and jerked him back to the group.

"Maybe this wasn't a good idea," Bruce murmured.

"What are those?" Steve squealed.

Everybody stopped discussing the fan and looked over to where Steve was pointing. "Those are Coke machines," Tony said.

"But they have screens. Like computers."

"They're newer."

Steve's eyes widened. "I want something from there!"

"We will, Steve."

Steve clapped his hands eagerly again.

They went over. Thor started walking ahead of the line. "Thor!" Bruce shouted. Thor winced and turned around. "Remember what I told you about lines?"

Thor nodded. "Sorry, Dr. Banner." He headed back towards them, his head facing down at his feet in shame.

The group stood in line silently, trying to shield their faces as casually as possible from any other fans that might've been crawling around. When they finally got to the front of the line, Thor jerked his head up. "I WANT TO GET MY OWN DRINK!" he boomed, jerking a cup to the machine. He studied the machine before clicking on the "Coke". He nodded after choosing the regular and put the cup in the machine. He stared at his cup contently before confusion took over his face. Cocking his head to the side, he asked, "Why is there no soda coming out?"

Steve stepped closer to him. "I think you have to push that lever like you did at the soda fountain in McDonald's."

"Ohh!" Thor said, his eyes lighting up. He pushed back on the lever. Soda poured into his cup. He chuckled as it filled up. Steve watched, amused.

As Thor stepped away, Steve jumped in front of the rest of the group. "My turn!" he shouted, pushing his cup under. He stayed silent for a few moments until his body trembled a little as he burst into a fit of giggles.

Natasha cupped her hand around her forehead and groaned. Tony watched him, a bit embarrassed, as the man behind them tapped his shoulder. "Hey, what's up with him?" the man asked.

Tony shook his head. "We don't let him out often."

The rest of the Avengers hurriedly got their drinks and joined Thor and Steve who had set their drinks down and were now playing red hands. Thor's hands slapped down on Steve's, who jerked them back and shook them rapidly. He stopped and surveyed them as they turned from a bright red to a soft pink. "Anybody who needs to use the restroom, use it now," Tony said, setting down a bag of popcorn and a drink. Thor and Steve headed over, a little too quickly.

"Midgaridan bathrooms are most entertaining," Thor told Steve as they entered.

Natasha still remained in her facepalm somehow while holding two bags of popcorn and a drink. "Please, I'm begging you, remind me again how they saved the entire world from an alien invasion?"

Nobody was listening. Bruce and Tony were discussing the science behind 3D technology and Clint was busy studying a poster bearing the Avengers on it. "Is my head _really_ that shape?" he asked.

Natasha glanced up at Clint, whose eyebrows were furrowed in deep concentration. Natasha rolled her eyes and groaned.

They sat there for a few minutes, Tony and Bruce still talking, Clint still studying the poster, and Natasha still unbelievably embarrassed by the whole ordeal. Clint finally looked away from the poster. "Where are Steve and Thor?" he asked.

"In the bathroom. They're taking forever."

"Taking forever in a men's restroom?" Clint laughed. "That's a good one, Nat."

"No, seriously."

Amusement turned into concern on Clint's face. "I'm going to go check on them," he said. He stepped into the bathroom. "Steve?" he called out. He was greeted with almost maniacal laughter. Turning the corner, he saw Steve and Thor crowded around a hand dryer. Steve had his hands dipped inside and was slowly pulling them out. Thor had his arms wrapped around his stomach, almost doubled over with laughter. Steve was laughing so hard no noise came out. Men passing through the bathroom shot them weird looks, some almost ready to laugh themselves.

Clint groaned and headed over to them. "Guys." He gripped their shoulders and yanked them back as Steve finished pulling his hands out. "Let's go see the movie," he muttered. Thor and Steve were still laughing loudly as Clint dragged them out of the bathroom.

Natasha looked like she was getting ready to die of humiliation as Steve and Thor tagged along behind them while heading to the screen, imitating the hand dryer. Tony had manage to shift all of their concessions to his right arm and was busily recording them. Bruce maintained a good distance from them.

As they settled into their seats and the previews came on, Steve and Thor calmed down and instantly became glued to the screen. When it was announced to put on the 3D glasses, Thor and Steve sat confusedly in their chairs. "Oh!" Steve said. "You put these glasses on!" He opened the bag and slipped them on. Thor stared at the glasses he just pulled out before putting them on upside-down.

"Like this?" Thor asked.

Steve giggled. "No, like this." He flipped Thor's glasses over and put them on upright.

(Meanwhile, the person sitting behind them kept pestering Tony to put his phone up. After Natasha grew tired of the person's pestering, she said a few things to Tony, causing Tony to announce he was done filming for the day.)

As the first 3D trailer came on, Steve shrieked. He covered his eyes, bringing his knees up to his chest. Tony bent over. "What's wrong, old timer?"

Steve pointed to the screen. "The movie pops out!" He peeked before making a strange strangled noise and hid his face again.

Tony snickered. "It's 3D, Capsicle.

Steve didn't make another sound. Thor was still watching the screen avidly. "This Midgaridan technology is most interesting," he said.

* * *

The narrator has noticed this is getting lengthy and because she does not want to write about the whole movie because she has no idea what else to say, she'll make a list of what happened during:

-Thor guzzled down his drink in the first 10 minutes and ended up finishing off everybody's else's

-On top of that, Thor ate all the popcorn as well, leaving Steve to mope on the loss of the delicious snack

-During the whole movie, Steve gripped Tony's arm so hard during intense 3D scenes that Tony's arm starting bleeding

-Bruce somehow slunk out of sight during the scene with him chasing Natasha

-Tony, although being injured by Steve, kept commenting on how much of a sexy beast he was

-Total number of times Steve made a noise during the movie: 47

-Clint's face was red with embarrassment until he joined the Avengers

-Natasha was watching rather proudly as she beat up everybody, especially Clint

-Clint managed to slink as low as Bruce did as he was beat up by Natasha

When the movie was over, they left the theater. "Excellent movie!" Thor said proudly. "I believe my favorite was the god with the hammer!"

Steve was still shaking from the effects but agreed as well.

Natasha was discussing how she needed to lose some weight around her waist-line with Clint as Tony jabbered to no one in particular about how he should win 'the Sexiest Man that Ever Existed' award.

Bruce didn't comment on anything.

They all piled into the car and started back to Stark Tower silently. About halfway back, Thor announced, "We must see it again!"

Natasha whimpered.


	4. The Avengers Go to the Mall

**At the request of a few reviewers, I proudly present "The Avengers Go to the Mall"!**

**Thank you for all the reviews! I love all you readers. :)**

* * *

Natasha entered with her forehead cupped inside her hand. "Remind me again how you got me to come here with you all?"

Clint studied her. "I think you could hold a world record for walking around longest while in a facepalm. That's all you ever seem to do."

Natasha lifted her head up and sent him a glare.

"We just need to grab a few Christmas presents, and then we can leave," Bruce answered Natasha. "Let's just do it fast before the you-know-whos get too mesmerized." He gestured towards Steve and Thor, who were busy playing with the automatic doors again.

Natasha, getting ready to go back into facepalm mode, opened her mouth to say something before Tony interrupted, saying, "I'll go get them." He jogged off.

Clint looked at Bruce. "Make a mall trip fast?" Clint started snickering. "I've been shopping with Natasha before, and even though she's the top of her league, when it comes to go to malls, she's a total girl."

"Don't ever call me that again," Natasha murmured.

"You know, it's funny how annoyed you've gotten with our trips," Clint continued. "The first time we went to Target, you chased me down with a Nerf gun. That was fun. We should do it again."

"Bruce, I'm taking you with me!" Natasha declared. "You're the only one who has never annoyed me at these trips." She gripped his wrist and pulled him along.

Tony led Thor and Steve back to where Clint was at. "Where'd Natasha go?" Tony asked.

"Shopping with Bruce. So… you take one and I take the other?" Clint asked.

Tony looked back at Steve and Thor, who were eyeing the automatic doors and giggling as people walked in. "I'll take Capsicle," Tony replied. "Can you handle Thor?"

"Tony, I work for SHIELD," Clint answered.

"But you got your ass kicked by a girl," Tony retorted.

Clint's face flushed. "Come on, Thor," he called. Thor's attention went from the door to Clint.

"Where are we going?" Thor asked, his voiced booming.

"To buy some presents."

"For the celebratory event the group called SHIELD is throwing for a Midgardian holiday?"

"Yes, that," Clint said. "Let's go."

As they headed away, Steve and Tony met each other's glances. "So… shopping," Steve said.

Tony cocked his head to one side. "I just need to find something for Pepper and a few other things for you all, I suppose. Let's go?"

Steve nodded and followed Tony.

"What's that shop?" Steve asked.

"That's a hat store for people who like to support their favorite sports teams."

"Oh. And that?"

"A store for teenage punks."

Steve peered inside. "There is a shirt with my shield on it!" he said excitedly.

"Yeah, I know. Did you not see the teens over there?"

Steve stopped and looked over to where Tony gestured at. His face lit up. "Fans?" he said.

"Mm, not exactly."

Steve didn't seem to hear him because he headed over. Tony felt immediately amused, his hand moving towards his pocket where his cell phone rested. No, he wouldn't record it just yet.

Steve neared them and said a few words. The teens looked at him with confused expressions, a few glances cast between them. They smiled and answered something, making Steve smile as well. He waved and headed back to Tony. "Yep!" Steve said to Tony. "Fans!"

Tony rolled his eyes. Not the scene he wanted, but oh well. They headed past the stores again, the group of teens sending weird but amused looks to Steve as he waved. The two remained quiet for a moment until Steve asked, "What's that store?'

Tony internally groaned.

* * *

"I smell something most delicious!" Thor declared as Clint and he walked through the mall.

"That would be the food court," Clint told him.

"Food court?" Thor's eyes lit up. "Midgardian food is most excellent!"

"I'm not sure if I can buy you anything," Clint said. "All this money is for presents."

"What is that woman doing then?" Thor asked, pointing a finger towards a lady in a uniform.

"Handing out free samples," Clint responded.

"Free?" Thor smiled as he started over towards her.

"Thor, no!"

Thor neared the lady. "I would like these free samples of food!"

"Help yourself," the lady said unenthusiastically.

Smiling, Thor took the tray. "Thank you," he told her, walking away with it.

Clint's face grew red as Thor headed back to him. "I got the free samples!" he shouted.

"You're only supposed to take one!" Clint whispered angrily, but Thor didn't hear him. Instead, Thor shoved two in his mouth.

"Mm." Thor closed his eyes. "Excellent."

"Excuse me sir, what do you think you're doing?" the lady asked angrily.

Thor opened his eyes and peered down at the woman, who was three heads shorter. "I'm sorry, did I do something displeasing?"

"Yes. Give me my tray back!" she demanded.

"But these are free samples," Thor answered, confusion sprawling across his face.

The lady placed a hand on her hip. "Ha, ha. Very funny. You think you're a regular comedian, don't you?"

Clint was so embarrassed at this point no audible words came out of his mouth.

"But these are free," Thor repeated.

"What's going on here?" A security guard stepped up to them.

The lady turned her attention to the guard and pointed at Thor. "He came waltzing in her and took all the free samples!"

The security guard looked at Thor. "Sir, I'm afraid you'll have to give the food back."

"But they are free!" Anger picked up in Thor's voice. "You're supposed to be a man of law! Where is the justice here?"

"Do I need to escort you down to my office?"

"I will not be escorted anywhere!" Thor grabbed his hammer and pointed it to the sky. "I am Thor, the mighty god of thunder!"

"Thor…." Clint said through clenched teeth.

"Who do you think you are?" the woman asked in an annoyed fashion. "See, this man is a regular wacko!"

Thunder rolled outside the mall.

"Thor!" Clint repeated.

"Do you know this man?" the security guard asked Clint.

Clint shook his head quickly, like a little kid denying eating cookies before supper.

The security guard grabbed Thor's arm. Thor jerked his arm away, throwing the guard against the glass that wrapped around the empty area that looked down onto the first floor. "I need backup," the security guard said into his walkie-talkie after he shook his head clear.

A couple of security guards answered quickly, and together, the rounded up Thor.

"She told me to help myself!" Thor yelled. Somebody pulled out a taser. The sound of electricity shot through the air as Thor slumped down. The crew pulled him up on his feet and started dragging him to the mall police office.

Meanwhile, Clint refused to stop hitting his head against the wall.

* * *

Bruce stared out of the mall window bored as Natasha debated over what color of wrapping paper would look best. "This red or this red?" Natasha asked, holding up two rolls.

"Um…." Bruce looked at them for a fraction of the second. "The one on the right."

Natasha glanced over at him. "You're not even looking, are you?"

Bruce didn't reply. At that moment, he was jolted out of his boredom as a team of security men dragged a much larger man by. "Thor?" Bruce said.

Natasha looked at the window as well. Bruce took a step away, sensing her anger growing. "Not again," Natasha said as calm as possible. She took a breath, and then dashed out of the store. "CLINT!" she screamed as she ran.

"Natasha, what about the wrapping paper?" Bruce ran out after her, stopping in front of the store, where a little bell was going off. "You didn't pay for it!" He watched the security guards turn around to see what happened at the store. "What about Thor?" he yelled.

A security guard stepped over to Bruce. "Excuse me sir, are you shoplifting?"

Bruce eyes grew wide. "No, no, I'm not. I'm just trying to find a friend!"

"Then what's this?"

Bruce looked down at his hand, where he was holding a figurine he forgot to put back. Panicking, he said, "I didn't know I was holding it!"

"Sir, would you mind coming with me to my office?"

"I didn't take it, I swear!"

The guard pinched the bridge of his nose. "Sir, if you would please."

"I didn't do anything!"

"Sir."

Bruce sighed angrily, trying his best to keep calm. "Alright!" he said. He glanced down at his hands. Relief flooded him as he saw they didn't even turn a tinge of green. He started towards the office with the security guard, who was now massaging his temples. "Long day?" Bruce asked.

"You wouldn't believe it," he mumbled back.

"Try me."

* * *

"Steve! Ask me what one more store is, and I'll—"

"Ooh, escalators!" Steve said gleefully. "I've always liked those things."

"Well, I guess we could go on the bottom floor."

Steve smiled widely as he hurried over to the escalator. The teens with the Captain America shirts were right in front of him, watching Steve scramble onto the escalator. They whispered something amongst themselves and snickered. Steve remained oblivious.

By the time Steve got to the bottom, Tony was only halfway down. When Tony reached the end, he asked Steve, "Enjoy the ride, Capsicle?"

Steve merely grinned.

The group of teens headed up to Tony as Steve ventured off. "Is that man okay?" they asked.

Tony rolled his eyes. "Sometimes I ask myself the same question."

"Hey, aren't you Tony Stark?" one of them asked.

Tony gave him a little wave before heading off after Steve, who was attempting to go on the escalator going up.

* * *

Thor stirred in his chair. "Midgardian's tools aren't as petty as I thought," he murmured as he woke.

"They use a taser?"

Thor looked over to his right, where Bruce sat. "Angry green one! What are you doing here?"

"I got in trouble."

"For what?"

"I accidentally took something out of the store that I didn't buy."

Thor patted Bruce's shoulder. "You forgot your lesson about having to pay?"

"Yes, I did."

Thor removed his hand. "What's this 'taser' you speak of?"

"It's a device that has many, many, many volts of electricity going through it."

"It must be mighty strong to take a god down. I believe I have been tasered twice before."

Bruce tried to hold back a laugh. "Really?"

"Yes. It is a bit embarrassing."

"Tell me about it," Bruce muttered.

Thor looked around the office. "Those men of justice do not seem to know how to enforce justice."

"What happened?"

"A woman was giving free samples of Midgardian food and I was taken away for taking some!"

"Did you take the whole tray?"

Thor nodded.

Bruce grinned.

* * *

"_CLINT BARTON!_"

Clint removed his head from the wall and shook it to clear the dizziness. As he watched Natasha storm towards him, fear washed over him. Even more so when he saw she was armed with two long tubes. His muscles tightened, getting ready to defend himself if he needed too.

"_WHY WOULD YOU TAKE THOR IF YOU COULDN'T HANDLE HIM? HE'S BEEN TAKEN BY MALL COPS! HOW COULD YOU LET SUCH A THING HAPPEN?_"

"Nat," Clint said, feeling embarrassed all over again. "People are looking…."

"_STOP AVOIDING THE SITUATION AT HAND! YOU WONDER WHY I HATE GOING PLACES WITH YOU FIVE, AND IT'S BECAUSE STUFF LIKE THIS HAPPENS!_"

"Nat," Clint repeated. "Put the wrapping paper tubes down."

Natasha stopped short, staring at the tubes she held over Clint's head. Somebody cleared their throat behind her. Clint's face turned a shade of scarlet as Natasha turned around to see yet another security guard, his arms crossed and his foot tapping the floor. Natasha looked down at the wrapping paper tubes again. "I didn't pay for these," she said plainly.

"Yeah," the guard said. "Come on, madam."

With a defeated look on her face, she hung her head. "I don't even care anymore," she started. "I'm done. I'm done with this." She lifted her head up and shoved the tubes into the guard's arms. With that, she stood tall, and marched down the direction where the mall cop's office was.

* * *

"Let's go in here to look for Pepper's gift," Tony suggested.

Steve eyed the store uneasily. "I dunno, Tony."

"It'll be fine."

Humiliated, Steve followed Tony into Victoria's Secret.

Tony roamed throughout the displays, Steve trying to hide his face. "These women in the pictures," he kept saying, "they're so scandalous!"

"Hey, don't act like you're not enjoying it," Tony replied, searching through the different pairs of underwear.

"How do you know Pepper would like it?" Steve asked.

Tony merely turned around and gave Steve a look that said, _I'm Tony Stark, remember?_, and turned back.

"Fine then, but how do you know Pepper's size?"

Tony gave a thin-lipped smile. "Don't worry, old timer. I know."

Steve's face contorted with horror as realization dawned over him. "Tony—"

Tony laughed. "Yep."

Steve stayed silent for a moment before muttering something about fondue.

After a few minutes, Steve whined, "Tony, can we get out of here?"

"Wait a moment. I think I found the perfect one!" Tony turned around and held up lacy yet decorative black panties and a matching bra. "What 'bout this?"

Steve almost fainted as his face flushed from all color.

"I'll take that as a yes," Tony said. He headed towards the checkout line.

Steve's face was almost the same shade as Clint's was as they stood in the line. "Two men inside a store full of women's underwear actually buying something," Steve murmured as he stared at the floor.

"Not a new sight," Tony answered, shrugging. "I'm sure there's been much worse."

"Tony, why did I have to be the one who shopped with you? I knew you would do something like this."

"Hey, I'm just buying something for Pepper."

Steve didn't say anything for a long time.

* * *

The door to the mall police's office opened. Natasha stepped in with as much dignity as possible, her head held high.

"I see you two can be trusted alone," the guard told Bruce and Thor.

Natasha looked down at who the guard was talking too. "Bruce? You too?"

Bruce grimaced. "I accidentally ran out of the store with a product in my hand after you went to go murder Clint."

"I wasn't actually going to murder him!" Natasha told the guard before turning back to Bruce. "I'm in here for the wrapping paper."

Bruce laughed. "I thought so."

"When can we leave this confinement?" Thor asked the guard.

"Until we get things sorted," the guard answered.

Thor stood up. "I think I would like to leave now."

"Um, I think I would like to do my job," the guard told him. "Now sit down!"

Anger flickered across Thor's face. "I'm tired of you frauds. You try to deceive others, saying you bring justice. Pah!" Thor raised his hammer to the sky.

"Sir, put the weapon down," the guard said in a threatening voice.

The mall rumbled, the sound of thunder echoing outside.

"Thor," Natasha said in a warning tone.

There was a flash of light in the room. Light filtered through the gaping hole now in the ceiling. The guard, his clothes and hair now charred, blinked, coughed, and then fell to the ground. "Let's leave," Thor declared, exiting the office.

Bruce started following when Natasha grabbed his arm. "Bruce!" she said sharply, like a mother scolding a child for following a wrong example.

Bruce shrugged. "At this point, anything to get me out of this mall is a good thing."

Natasha stalled for a moment, then shrugged and followed them out.

* * *

Clint saw the three head past the store opposite of him as he exited the restroom. Shocked, he jogged over to them. "How'd you guys get out?" he asked, amazed.

Thor patted his hammer and smiled. "Let us find the man made of iron and Steve."

Clint joined them as they ventured out to find the other two.

At about the center of the mall, Tony saw the other four. "Steve, there they are!"

Steve looked up from the ground and gave a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness!" He walked quickly over to them. "Tony dragged me into a store that sold women's under things!"

The other four eyes shifted over to Tony. Tony lifted the pink bag up and shook it. "For Pepper."

"All these women!" Steve continued. "Posing! While they were basically nude!"

Tony snickered. "Calm down, Capsicle."

"But—"

"Steve."

Steve silenced his cries.

"Allfather?" Thor gasped.

The group looked over to where Thor was pointing. There sat a man playing Santa Claus, propping a child up on his knee. Tony bit his lip to hold back a smile. "I'm going to see what he is doing on Midgard with the children!"

"Thor—" Natasha started, but was interrupted when Tony put his arm out over her chest to keep her back.

"Wait. This is going to be interesting."

Thor cut through the line of children all the way to the man. Photographers and workers watched him, alarmed. "You look different," Thor started.

"Sir," one of the photographers started.

"What are you doing here, Father?" Thor asked.

The man stared up at him, confused. "What?"

"You changed your appearance and came down to Midgard! Why?"

"Midgard?"

Thor chuckled. "Father, why are you playing dumb?"

"Sir, we need you to please step out—"

Thor jerked his arm away from the worker. "I am talking to my father!"

The man playing Santa looked up at the worker. "I've never seen this man in my life!"

"Father, do you not recognize me?"

A couple of workers stepped closer.

"You do not recognize your own son? What have I done wrong?"

"Sir—"

"Let go of me!" Thor roared, jerking around to face the worker. The worker, who was holding Thor's arm, went flying back and hit the camera, causing it to fall off and hit the floor with a loud thud. All the children screamed at the impact, and through the chaos, Tony's laugh was heard ringing out through the mall.

"Tony, stop encouraging it!" Natasha told him.

"How am I encouraging it? He doesn't even know I'm laughing. Come on, you want to laugh too."

Natasha sent Tony a glare that clearly informed him she wasn't in the mood.

"Hey, Natasha?" Steve said.

"What?" she snapped.

"Those guards over there were talking about three people who escaped from the office, and the descriptions sound like you, Bruce, and Thor."

Natasha froze. Her heart started pounding harder as guards raced towards Thor, who was now throwing the elf-dressed workers around like confetti.

"Let's get out of here," Natasha said suddenly, grabbing Clint's arm and jerking it.

"And miss this?" Tony had his cell phone out and was recording the scene. "This is YouTube material, hon."

"Tony Stark!" Natasha groaned. "I don't even care anymore. Bruce, Steve—come on."

"But who's going to get Thor?" Steve asked, his eyes wide.

The guards pulled out yet another taser. Thor cried out and slumped to the ground.

"Never mind," Steve said.

* * *

Natasha climbed into the car, her head in her hands. Clint tapped her shoulder, causing her to jerk her head up and send Clint a look that could kill. "Not in the mood," she said shortly.

Bruce sat in the passenger seat quietly, Tony still snickering over the event in the driver's seat. In the back sat Steve and Thor, who were silently chatting amongst themselves.

"So, that was the pole-eese force, as you Midgardians call it?" Thor asked out loud.

"Its _police_," Bruce corrected. "And yes. How did we ever manage to get them to let Thor go?"

"Beats me," Tony answered. "I would never know how to do it again. By the way, was I the only person who actually bought something?"

"I think so," Clint said.

The car was silent for a few minutes until Thor said, "When can we come back to the mall?"

"You CAN'T, Thor!" Natasha shouted. "Even if we still could, I wouldn't come! I'm never going anywhere with you guys again!"

"Why can't I?" Thor asked Steve.

Steve shrugged.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the Avengers were banned from the mall.


End file.
